Posts (page 2)

Sports for Dummies: Roberts Hall Fire Drills
 Florida Tech is not as barren a sports landscape as many people claim. If you need proof of this, look no farther than Roberts Hall, who has a long, heralded tradition of its own sports. The primary sport of Roberts Hall is the Fire Drill. The rules of this game are simple, at 3 A.M. the fire alarm goes off. You then have under four minutes to figure out what that sound is, where you are, why do you have a pounding headache, and what is Wanda the lab rat doing in your bed. After ascertaining this information, you now have less than three minutes (depending on your activities of the previous night) to get outside. Now its time to get out of bed, without waking Wanda, and get some clothes on (since the addition of females to Roberts, you must look good at all times) after double-checking that you are actually wearing pants, and not an upside-down shirt with you legs through the armholes, you have about a minute to get outside. Those on the seventh floor are at a distinct disadvantage, but they do have several stories of momentum for the great stair rush. The goal of the stair rush is to get outside as quickly as possible so you can see the alleged flames claim your dormitory. The rules of the stair rush are, well, there are no rules. Women, small children and men are bowled over with the same reckless abandon. It’s usually a good idea to stay away from the big guys though, they don’t move very much. Once outside, the goal is to stay awake while someone digs through your room to find incriminating objects to bust you on several days after the fire drill. (Note: to many this is a sub-sport in its own, to some it is a matter of hiding all of the incriminating evidence. However, some like to leave the appearance of something incriminating, like a bag of sugar on the table, then just as the searcher feels the trap is closing, make them realize that they really have nothing.) Once you’ve gotten over the initial panic that they may find Wanda still sleeping peacefully on your bed, you come to the hardest part of the fire drill, the test of will. Whatever you do, do not lie down, no matter how much the cold concrete soothes your throbbing headache. Now it is time for the creative part of the competition. The judges are watching, so be inventive. It is now time to roundly curse whoever did this and tell what you would do if you ever catch who pulled the alarm (which you never will). After about forty minutes outside you finally get the okay to enter the building. Once inside, you are faced with a new choice: do you join the game of Hey-Let’s-Cram-as-Many-People-as- We-Can-In-the-Roberts-Elevators- That-Always-Break-Down, or do you join the game that the Vikings banned for its brutality, taking the stairs. Once you have valiantly fought your way up the stairs in your bleary-eyed and weakened state, it is time to collapse into bed and hope that your eight o’clock class is cancelled. Unfortunately for you there is no rest for the weary, as Wanda is in the middle of the bed bristling at the fact that you didn’t wake her up.  

 Whatever happened to the Vaunted Tradition of “The Midget Toss?”  
As I went to solidify my status as the Sports Fiend, I was digging through the Clemente archives and came across some ancient scrolls of former intramural events. I feel that it is time to pay homage to these fallen sports of antiquity. Those fallen sports of old, classics such as Bag the Badger, Log Rolling, the William Tell Challenge, the Running of the Bulls (on a daily basis), Midget Tossing , and Pin-the-Tail-on-the- Donkey for starters. This article is a tribute to the fallen former intramurals of Florida Tech.
Water Polo- Many people will say “but we have water polo now.” What these people don’t know is that water polo was originally scrapped after the first five horses drowned. The biology department was charged with the task of engineering a new horse that was able to stand the challenge of the water. This project was eventually scrapped after the sports department received a rhinoroach (a very large cockaroach with a horn and a nasty disposition), a meerbadger (a badger meercat crossbreed that is quite possibly responsible for the last ahtletic director’s mysterious disappearance. Legends say that it is still loose in Clemente.)
Greco-Roman Hot Oil Wrestling- First off this is wrong, just wrong. This lovely little pipe-dream was scrapped when the Rat couldn’t muster enough oil to sponsor the event. The conclusion was reached that this must have something to do with Florida Tech’s mysterious “Plan 17-J.”
Find the Pi Lam Scavenger Hunt- This wonderful sport is remarkably similar to the Mid-western tradition of “Snipe Hunting.” This is where a bunch of people (usually drunk) convince someone that if they stand in the forest with a bag and stay really silent for a real long time, that they can bag a snipe. This wonderful game was sent to the trashcan when the snipes showed up, and the Pi Lams didn’t.
Evans Eat-Off- The name says it all. Honestly anyone who can tolerate large amounts of food at Evans deserves a trophy.
The Mr. T. 1-800-Collect Challenge- Honestly, how hard could this be? This is Florida Tech isn’t it? The intramural commission found out how difficult this can be when several engineers banded together, and attempted to transform their telephone into a communicator to contact Captain Kirk.
The Point out a Palm Tree Pilot Challenge- No matter how clearly the rules were set the pilots kept insisting on calling the tower to find the location of the palm trees. It was finally conclusively proven that a pilot can do nothing without the tower.
Communications Survivor- The communications department took all of their students and dropped them off on a small uninhabited island in the middle of Lake Okeechobee in a similar setup to the hit television show. After picking up the communications people three months later, the season was officially ruled a draw when they were all found talking to trees about the difficulty of their schedule.
Chemical Engineer Achieving Enlightenment Through Silent Meditation Class- O.K. This was not an intramural, but interesting nonetheless. Administration was surprised that shortly after this class, a rash of explosions rocked the campus as the chemical engineers started using the class time to make C4 explosives.
Psychology “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”- The school went all out for this one and actually believed that they had something going. After getting Regis to agree to make an appearance, his services were not required. Regis was immediately rendered useless seeing how the game never made it past the one-hundred dollar question. As soon as the first question was asked, the psychology majors response was lost in a flood of: “Well I have to think A because of the Freudian factor, but what if A doesn’t like being A? What if it is unhappy with being A? Wouldn’t A be much happier as B.... and if so then where would B be happiest? How exactly do we define A anyway? Can we really make such a complex concept a single letter? And if I don’t choose C will it have a complex...”  

The Playoffs Heat Up!
CSA and Lambda Chi slug it out,
Plus The Shroom Gets Screwed
The second round of the playoffs was definitely by far the most intense week to date. However one of the games that had the potential to be a classic (Shroom versus Pikes) was marred by some of the worst officiating since that kid reached over the fence to give the Yankees a homerun and rob the Orioles of a World Series appearance. Lambda Chi fought valiantly against CSA, but the Lambda Chi offense couldn’t make the call. CSA 6 Lambda Chi 0 Needless to say, this game was totally dominated by defenses. The battle raged in the trenches with the archetypal irresistible force meets the immovable object clash. The Lambda Chi rotating defensive line of Matt Coffelt, Gus Schutte, Jay Soares, and Nick Fera, met up against the CSA offensive line of Antonio Welsch, Edison Jackson, and Michael Smith. CSA quarterback James Madden was never actually sacked but he was hurried all day. The Lambda Chi defense also shut down a usually potent CSA running attack. The Lambda Chi secondary played a great game against a CSA group that was used to tearing people up. James Madden, who has been shredding the league all year was strangely silent this game. The Lambda Chi offense, who is usually just bad, was horrific this game. However, on the offensive side of the ball, Eduardo Gonzalez was hobbled with a bad hamstring. Lambda Chi attempted a new offensive setup looking to exploit the aggressive nature of the CSA defensive line however this plan backfired, as little or no backside blocking allowed CSA’s Ellis Christian three consecutive sacks. The only offense that Lambda Chi could muster was a beautiful hook up from Eduardo to Martin “Tin” Tkacs, Tin was sent on a slant pattern and Eduardo lofted a floater to Tin. Tin skied over two CSA defenders to come down with the catch and give Lambda Chi a rare fresh set of downs. At the end of the first half CSA threatened the Lambda Chi defense. A hook-and-ladder play from Madden, to Steve Swartz, to B.J. Ligocki on a crucial third down brought CSA into Lambda Chi territory for a rare glimpse of the opponent’s side of the field for either offense. The Lambda Chi defense managed to weather the storm and head into the half with the game knotted at zero. In the second half the CSA offense started to show a few signs of life, after a couple of passes to get the offense within striking range, B.J. Ligocki was on the receiving end of a Madden laser. A first was almost witnessed this week, two consecutive weeks with defensive lineman intereceptions. Towards the end of the game, Lambda Chi’s Nick Fera read an upcoming screen pass and followed the play. The pass was thrown right through Fera’s hands and into an unsuspecting CSA player’s face. A resounding smack was heard as the ball fluttered harmlessly to the ground and Fera was denied a headline. Pikes 20 Shroom 14 There was no love lost between these two teams as they took the field. This game immediately started out rough with several unnecessary penalties and a couple of blatant fouls. Then the game started to slip into a pattern that the Shroom got to know all too well. With the aggressive Shroom rush bearing down on the Pike quarterback an acting job more suited to College Player’s rendition of The Tempest as opposed to intramural football fell over and begged a roughing the passer call out of the officials. This official set up touchdown allowed the Pikes Donny Wilson to dance 15-yards into the end zone. On the next kickoff the Pike’s Kevin Menard picked off a Shroom team Spot pass to give the Pikes back the ball in Shroom territory. On the first play of that drive, Virgil Russel nailed the Pike ballcarrier out of bounds. After a few nonremarkable series, Shroom’s Austin Brown put the Shroom back up on the boards with a long touchdown’s pass. On the next series a Mushroom rusher hit the quarterback with a resounding slap that echoed around the field. On Shroom’s possession another questionable call, this time the Pikes Justin Marrero got an interception called back on a questionable pass interference call. To start off the second half the center gets in on the action, Frank Trevino lined up several times at the tight end position for the Shroom team. He made two absolutely gorgeous catches on the touchdown and the extra point attempt, but unfortunately, he treated the fans to one of the worst displays of dancing this side of the Who Let the Dogs Out music video. Donny Wilson slipped, slid, stumbled, bumbled, and then got jacked by Esjay Sofulwe to end a nice run. Later in the game on a Justin Marrero touchdown catch Joe Lustig returned the favor as he buried a Shroom player. However, the penalty wiped out a touchdown for the Pikes. After this play, the screw job was on. The next play on an interception, followed by a slower than molasses in January runback by Brett Kovach, was called back due to a questionable at best roughing the passer call. A couple of plays later on third and goal for the Pikes a pass goes right through the hands of Shroom’s Ryan Resnick to essentially bury the Shroom. However this play would have been moot because another roughing the passer call gave the Pikes first and goal at the five. On the next Pike fourth down a terrible roughing the passer called gave the Pikes another first down at the one yard line. Two plays later Donny Wilson took his gift wrapped touchdown on a quick plunge into the end zone to complete the screw-job of the Shroom.  
Pikes Win the Championship!
Pikes 6 CSA 0
In a game marked by great plays, and defensive dominance the Pikes defeated CSA in a nip-and-tuck game. The game started out with both teams very evenly matched. The Pike offense could barely move the ball against a great CSA defense and the CSA offense managed next-to-nothing against the Pike defense. The game started with the Pikes receiving the initial kickoff at the nineteen-yard-line. After an ineffective bootleg, a Donny Wilson 5- yard-run gave the Pikes a first down. After this play CSA clamped down defensively. Another run by Donny, this one for no gain, a sack by Rande Nicholls, a Pike false start, and an overthrown pass forced the Pikes to punt the ball. CSA’s first possession was an impressive showing from the Pikes defense. The first play of the game James Madden aired the ball out, but Nate Dibbling broke up the pass. A run for no gain, and another Madden incompletion gave the ball back to the Pikes. The next few possessions continued like this, CSA’s Ellis Christian and the Pike’s Joe Lustig got a sack each. Donny Wilson managed one more Pike 1st down. Then emotions started to boil over. CSA’s Kelman “X” tipped the pass to Scott Harvey-Lewis. On the run back a blatant Pike tackling penalty, and the ensuing sideline scuffle, resulted in Rande Nicholls being kicked out of the game and CSA being penalized fifteen yards (Offsetting tackling and flag guarding, and a CSA personal foul). Nothing happened until the half other than Gavin Garvey getting a sack; plus a penalty on Nicholls for not leaving the field after getting thrown out of the game. In the second half Madden picked up CSA’s first 1st down himself on a four-yard scramble. On the next play disaster would strike CSA. In the flag football injury of choice, Nayanka Springer... tore his waistband. This injury would keep him out for four to five minutes while he looked for new shorts. While Springer was out Madden went to work. Madden stepped back to pass, fell down, but got back up, with Pike defenders in his face chucked a fifty-yard perfect spiral that bounced off of Steve Swartz’ hands. After the Pikes give the ball back to CSA the Pikes get the break they needed to lead them to victory. A Madden pass was picked off by Justin Marrero, and was returned to the five. Donny Wilson drove the ball down to the one-yard line. The inevitable touchdown was scored on a quarterback sneak. CSA’s next possession started out with Steve Swartz getting a fiveyard reception. The next play, Madden, with two men hanging on him, threw a perfect touchdown pass to Swartz. This play was called back on a block downfield on CSA. The next play was called encroachment on the Pikes, and then a roughing the passer for tipping Madden’s arm gave CSA another first down. After a blocked pass brought up 4th down for CSA a pass was broken up on a pass that should have been called interference, but the ball was ruled uncatchable. A Damion Catyn sack and a Justin Marrero unsportsmanlike conduct penalty ended the game with a championship for the Pikes.  
Lambda Chi wins the 7-on-7 Tournament
Michael McChele Sovereign Soothsayer
Blue Waves 28 “C” Team touchdowns were scored Vince Tux, on a thirty-five yard reception, where he burned the Blue Wave’s 21 This actually isn’t that much of an accomplishment when the fact that Lambda Chi Blue Waves played against the Lambda Chi C Team. Regardless, in a very fun game the more disciplined Blue Waves triumphed. This game moved better than any other game this season, probably due to the fact that the referees left in the middle of the game. With no referees, or timekeepers, the Lambda Chi teams were reduced to playing “gentleman’s rules.” “C” Team’s Touchdowns were scored on a thirty-five yard burning of the Blue Wave’s Nick Fera. Paul Eggers scored two touchdowns on catches of sixty and forty-five yards each. Mitch Tomlin had several nice catches, and one interception and a five-yard runback. The Blue wave’s “El Guapo” Gonzalez had fifty yards rushing plus a one yard touchdown run. Mike Wahlgren scored a spinning touchdown of forty-five yards. Andy Wheinstrand scored a fifteen-yard touchdown on a very nicely ran route. Finally, Nathan Whisenhunt scored a sixty-five yard touchdown to cap off the scoring in the game.  

Linemen Getting Interceptions? Quarterbacks Catching Touchdowns? Tekes Not Playing? It Must Be The Playoffs!
This last week was different from all other weeks. Last week, was the playoffs. Every team was given new life, except for the Tekes who were finally laid to rest. The playoffs mean that the records can be thrown out the window, but with all of the higher seeds except ROTC moving forward who believes that anyway? Last week every team had to pull out of all the stops in order to win
CSA 45 Pi Lam 0
 In a stomping of Biblical porportions, number one ranked CSA executed the number the eight ranked Pi Lams. There is nothing to say except that Damion Catlyn had two interceptions, one of which came on a spot pass, and one that was returned for a touchdown. Ellis Christian had two interceptions, and he got in on the touchdown parade. It is a well known fact that the game is all-but-over when a defensive lineman gets himself an interception, and Gavin Garvey did that. On the offensive side of things, James Madden caught himself a touchdown on a flea flicker play. Nayanka Springer had a 10 yard touchdown catch. Also B.J. Ligocki scored on a sixty-yard hook-and-ladder play. Lewin Stoute also added two touchdowns on the ground.
Pikes 13 Chi Phi 6
The game started out with Chi Phi drawing first blood on a seventy-yard touchdown connection from Cliff Winsor to Tyler Winkelman. Later in the first half Chi Phi’s David Morgan caught an interception in the endzone, but unfortunately for Chi Phi a roughing the passer call brought back the interception. Penalties like that usually come back to haunt teams, and this one was no exception. After getting new life the Pike’s Kevin Ellis scored a touchdown to tie the game at six. On the next drive, a Chi Phi turnover gave the Pikes good field position. However, the Pikes couldn’t capitalize. On fourth down the Pikes threw up a prayer into a group of people that was batted down, to give Chi Phi the ball back on the forty. The ensuing Chi Phi drive resulted in a Pike interception and a touchdown runback from Nate Gray capped off the scoring
Shroom 18 Theta Xi 0
Ryan Resnick started this game out with a touchdown on the first Shroom possession, and it was all downhill for Theta Xi from there. Theta Xi’s next possession ended badly with Brett Kovach taking an interception in for a touchdown. Shroom’s Steve Medeiros had an interception followed by a very athletic interception accompanied by a thirty-five yard runback. After shifting directions several times, and faking out about five Theta Xi would-be tacklers the Shroom team took over on their thirty-five. On the last drive Brett Kovach had an amazing throw across his body, and the field, to Pascal Russel to cap off the scoring.
Lambda Chi 6 ROTC 0
Needless to say this was a game marked by defense. The only touchdown in this game was when Lambda Chi’s Kurt Chadwick took an interception twenty-five yards into the endzone for Lambda Chi. Russel Lala, the pure heart of the Lambda Chi defense, got himself an interception too. ROTC had a couple of yards here and there but could do little against the strong Lambda Chi line or their solid secondary. ROTC’s Lindsey Gordon was throwing under pressure all game and rarely could get a pass off without a hand in his face. Nathan Wisenhunt, the self proclaimed most eligible bachelor on campus (just ask him, he’ll tell you), had two spectacular interceptions with returns of ten and thirty-five yards respectively  

This week was a very entertaining despite vertical torrential downpour that made several games look more like intramural synchronized swimming than intramural football. This week’s games were marked by two very entertaining games from the Tekes, a Jeykl and Hyde performance from the Shroom, and a ROTC game that only lasted a half.
Theta Xi 12 Teke 6
In definitely one of two Teke barnburners (For those of you who don’t know a “barn-burner” is a very exciting, entertaining game. This term comes from the Midwest, where many farmers were so enthralled by their games they would let the barn burn to the ground instead of leaving the game.) A depleted Theta Xi team just barely slipped by the resurgent Tekes. One Theta Xi player explained the poor player turnout by saying, “Theta Xi doesn’t do nine o’clock games.” The first half was markedly defensive and ended deadlocked at 0. One Teke and two Theta Xi interceptions kept the game scoreless. At the start of the second half with Theta Xi on the threshold of scoring, a Theta Xi false start, and two Teke sacks dug Theta Xi a hole which put the Tekes fourth and goal from the twenty-six yard-line. The Tekes snuffed out a well executed reverse after a gain of ten yards, by far not enough. On Theta Xi’s next possession, Nick Hempfer drew first blood on a long pass from Terry Mullins. The next Teke drive was snuffed out prematurely by a Theta Xi interception that appeared to have the Tekes out of the game. The Tekes were just playing possum and intercepted the next Theta Xi pass to give themselves new life. The Tekes capitalized on the turnover with a beautiful long pass from Erin Burchaldo down the sideline to a streaking Victor Ludick to tie the score at six. After the kickoff Theta Xi immediately started driving. On the last play of regulation a Theta Xi pass was thrown into double coverage from the Tekes, the ball was tipped by Victor Ludick, and Ryan Resnick right into the hands of Theta Xi’s Nick Hempfer in the back corner of the endzone. Hempfer miraculously managed keep both of his feet in bounds to end the game with a Theta Xi victory.
CSA 12 Shroom 0
The first half of this game the two teams appeared to be closely matched, but CSA completely outplayed the Shroom in the second half of the game. In the first half Shroom was moving the ball well, but just could not find the endzone. Shroom’s Pascal Russell was running well through the CSA line, so was Brett Kovach. However CSA’s James Madden aired the ball 70 yards downfield to Steve Swartz for the first CSA touchdown. After the ensuing kickoff, Shroom’s Austin Browne, caught a slant for a first down, Pascal had several key gains on runs, and a clutch play-action catch to extend a drive. A catch in the middle of the field from Esjay Sofulwe put Shroom within smelling distance of the endzone. On fourth and goal Austin Browne dropped a pass in the endzone to give CSA the ball back. In the second half the Shroom offense could do next to nothing against the CSA defense. Shroom attempted a quick slant that was picked off by CSA’s Jason Layne and ran back for a touchdown. The Shroom’s offense was just spinning its wheels, every time they moved forward a penalty would knock them back. Eventually Shroom penetrated into CSA’s red-zone but a sack by Ellis Christian backed Shroom up to fourth and goal on the CSA twenty-five yard-line. Shroom attempted one last pass that was intercepted in the endzone by Damien Catlyn to end the game.
Lambda Chi 15 Chi Phi 6
This game started out with Lambda Chi running well on Chi Phi. Lambda Chi’s Andy Wenstrand had a fifteen-yard gain on a trick run, then Curt Chadwick tossed in another fifteen-yard run, and then Eduardo Gonzalez added a 25-yard quarterback sneak. Lambda Chi was denied on this drive though. On the Chi Phi possession, Eduardo Gonzalez intercepted a Chi Phi pass to give the ball back to Lambda Chi. The Chi Phi offense could do next to nothing against a stifling Lambda Chi defense, a testament to which was a safety recorded by Lambda Chi. After the free kick Eduardo Gonzalez took another quarterback sneak forty-yards to the endzone. Curt Chadwick punched in the extra point to put Lambda Chi up by eight. After the half Martin Tkacs had a touchdown reception on a laser of a pass from Eduardo Gonzalez. Chi Phi added a touchdown from Josh Henson in the waning moments of the game to narrowly avoid being shut out.
Chi Phi 12 Teke 0
 In the first synchronized swimming match of the season Chi Phi defeated the Tekes. Chi Phi brought a couch so that their fans could watch the game in comfort. The two Chi Phi touchdowns came on a quarterback sneak from Cliff Windsor and a pass from Windsor to Josh Henson. Shortly after halftime, the heavens opened and unleashed the wrath of Poseidon. For all intents and purposes the highlights stopped with the rain. None of the players could hold the ball, much less throw and catch it. The game ended relatively uneventfully, with the rain tapering off towards the end.
Pike 14 Lambda Chi 0
 In the second swim meet of the day, Lambda Chi narrowly lost to the Pikes on the intramural football pool. There was a puddle of standing water, 2 inches deep, twenty yards wide, and thirty yards long. The game started out with Lambda Chi holding their own; the Pikes could only muster five yards against a stingy Lambda Chi defense. The Lambda Chi defensive line of Gus Schutte, Mat Coffelt, and Nick Fera got a very good push on the Pike offensive line. Eduardo intercepted a pass after Fera tipped the quarterback’s arm. At the end of the first half Lambda Chi was the victim of wretched officiating. First a false start was called on the Pike offense, but the play was not blown dead, and during a play (that officially never happened) a personal foul was called. For some reason both penalties were enforced giving the Pikes a fresh set of downs on the Lambda Chi fifteen. Then, on a play in the endzone that was questionable at best, Nathan Wisenhunt was called on pass interference on a Pike player to give the Pikes first and goal on the four yard-line. With four seconds left in the half the Pikes kick off to Lambda Chi’s Martin Tkacs, who takes the ball sixty-five yards, but he was just barely caught on the twenty yard-line. In the second half the Pikes added another touchdown towards the end of the game on an interception from T.J. McCormick.
Shroom 14 ROTC 0
 Shroom came out for this game like they were still angry for Saturday’s performance vs. CSA and they were blaming ROTC. Virgil Russell had a sixty-yard run from scrimmage early on in the game to put the Shroom up by seven. A little later Austin Browne caught a forty-two yard touchdown from Kovach. The Shroom team came up with two more interceptions, and then tensions started running high. It started with ROTC getting impatient with each other, and then that frustration spilled over onto the field. Towards the end of the game, Jeff Emerson was moving from sideline-to-sideline when he knocked down a dump pass from Kovach to save a touchdown.
CSA 14 Theta Xi 6
Theta Xi quarterback Terry Mullins dominated this game. The game started out when Mullins completed a twentyyard pass to Pat Furlow, and then in avoiding a sack Mullins threw another pass to Furlow, to turn a sack into a fist down. Mullins was dissecting CSA running around and through the CSA defense. Eventually Mullins takes it in himself from eight-yards out to put theta Xi up on CSA. CSA’s Nelson Springer had a catch down to the two-yard line; later Lewin Stoute caught a touchdown. Madden was given all of the time in the world to run around the backfield, and in one play on a technical “quarterback sneak” Madden ran over fifty yards sideways and six yards forward. Later Madden connected to Nayaka Springer on a twenty-yard pass. Later CSA’s Demarco Lewis had an interception to put the game out of Theta Xi’s reach
ROTC 6 Pi Lam 0
This game was relatively short on highlights, considering it only lasted for a half. ROTC’s sole touchdown was scored on a run from Jeff Emerson, on a very strange play. In the middle of the play, referee Russel Lala unintentionally blew a play dead for no readily apparent reason. There is still some confusion on the question of if ROTC scored on this play or the next, but either way, it was Emerson’s point. One of the highlights of the game was a ten-yard sweep, thirty-yard slide for life from ROTC. At halftime the game was cancelled due to rain which caused the premature end of the match for a ROTC victory.  

This story was just far too funny to pass up. A couple days ago one Teke was heard saying “I think that we will be good next year.” Riiiiiiiiight,, good at what? Football? That’s a laugh. Anyway, while the refereeing was terrible last week, this week’s games were done very well. Surprisingly enough, decent football is not dead at FIT, this weeks games were actually exciting to watch (even though the ROTC versus Pikes bled over into the start of the Bears game, don’t they know that everything on Sunday revolves around the Bears game?!).
CSA 34 Teke 0
Once again the sterling Teke defense shone through on this game. Travis Johnson had a sack for a loss of 12, and in the second half the Tekes got quarterback James Madden on a bootleg for no gain. On yet another play the Tekes Aaron Bocelli turned defensive back on a pass that was nearly intercepted, saving a touchdown. Also, the resurgent Tekes hit a spot pass in the first half! The Tekes, a spot pass! This was their first completed spot pass in five years. Maybe there was something behind that quote. Naaaah. Besides all of these Teke highlights, CSA bombed the Tekes into submission. Madden threw bombs of 50 and 40 yards to Nayanka Springer and Steven Swartz respectively. A ten yard run by Lewis Stoute rounded out the first half scoring. The first half was topped off with two interceptions, one by CSA’s free safety, and another by Ellis Christian. CSA’s James Madden tossed in two more touchdowns, connecting on a 30-yard pass and and scoring another on a bootleg.
Pi Lam 12 Theta Xi 0
This game was a very emotionally charged game. Pi Lam’s running game was rolling against the Theta Xi defense. Pi Lam drew first blood early in the game when Jake Leeber took the seven yards into the end zone. A few drives later Pi Lam Remco Kuyper took a 15 yard pass to paydirt. On the ensuing kickoff a spot pass was intercepted by Chris “cookie” Recucki; unfortunately for the Pi Lams this was ruled an illegal spot pass and Theta Xi was allowed to keep posession. Cookie stuffed Theta Xi on a fourth and one play. Newtonian laws apply to football (only in Florida Tech can Newton show up in a football article) and in an equal but opposite reaction a Theta Xi interception was taken away by a roughing the passer call. Just before the end of the half Theta Xi scored a touchdown, that was then taken away on a roughing the passer call.
ROTC 19 Pike 13 (OT)
 In the best game to of this year ROTC defeated the Pikes after three overtimes. The game started off with ROTC’s Ian Zapatocky scoring on a one-yard touchdown plunge. The extra point attempt failed. After this ROTC stopped Pikes in several straight possessions. Then the Pikes bust out a long pass play, down to the ROTC five, where Jeff Smith catches it to tie the game. The Pikes managed to tack on the one-point conversion to put the Pikes up 6-7. With ROTC’s running game moving the chains (even though there technically are no chains) the Pike’s Justin Marrero takes an interception in for a touchdown. This time the Pike conversion failed to put the Pikes up on ROTC 3- 6. Late in the second half, ROTC’s Lindsy Gordon takes in a touchdown on a quarterback sneak. The crucial one point conversion was gotten on a spectacular leaping/ diving catch by ROTC tight end Nathan Boone The score tied at 13. In the waning moments of the second half the Pikes intercept a ball and run it down to the ROTC ten. ROTC refused to buckle under the pressure of the Pike attack and caused a dropped pass on the last play of the game to send it into overtime. In the first overtime ROTC only could muster one yard while trying to bomb a pass into the end zone. The Pike possession ended on a ROTC sack. The next overime, after a lackluster offensive performance by ROTC, the Pikes took over. Donny Wilson had a run down to the one-inch line, the ROTC defense escaped that one by the skin of their teeth. Eventually though, the ROTC defense rose to the challenge again to end the Pike threat, with left end, Aaron blocking one pass, and getting a sack on another play. In the ROTC section of the third overtime, they kept the ball on the ground, Ian Zapatocky carried the ROTC offense down to the eightyard line. A pass to Julian Kemper put the Pikes in a deep hole, and the light at the end of the Pike tunnel was getting dimmer by the moment. The ROTC defense, as almost always answered the call and responded to the pressure by shutting the Pikes out.
Chi Phi 0 Shroom 13
This game was very one-sided, Shroom took Chi Phi to the woodshed in this game. Chi Phi could do less than nothing with a suffocating Shroom defense. The Shroom team ran over, around and through a sluggish at best Chi Phi team. Virgil Russel scored the first touchdown for the Shroom. The Shroom added the extra point.  

This week’s games started off on a newly designed field; Chi Phi spray-painted several messages for their game against the Pikes. Another unknown source spray-painted a giant yellow phallus on the field right by the Chi Phi messages. Nonetheless, this week’s games had an ironic twist. The games themselves were surprisingly sharp; however, they were plagued by terrible refereeing. The quote, “The refs wouldn’t be that bad, if only they watched the game,” summed up the weekend. A few whistle-happy refs made the Pi Lams and CSA exchange 5 yard penalties for at least ten plays, only to have no change in the line of scrimmage.
Pikes 18 Chi Phi 0
 These two rivals squared off on a predominantly Chi Phi decorated field. The Pikes immediately took charge of the game by intercepting Chi Phi. After this interception, the Pikes added a touchdown on a long pass. The Pike’s Donnie Wilson had a slashing runback to inside the twenty to give the Pikes good field position. An eventual 1-yard plunge from Wilson put the Pikes up by twelve. The Pikes added another touchdown after a juggling interception by Nate Dibbling. The next possession, a series of Pike sacks, lead to an interception by Chi Phi. With the Pikes on the threshold of scoring, Chi Phi’s Josh Henson saved a touchdown with an interception. Chi Phi attempted a quarterback option that was almost picked off by the Pikes. The game ended with the two teams exchanging interceptions, and the Pikes walked off the field victorious.
CSA 18 Pi Lam 7
This game started out with both teams, but CSA in particular, playing sloppily. This game was marked, in particular, by penalties galore. First CSA jumped off sides, then Pi Lam got called for a false start. CSA then jumped off sides twice, and then Pi Lam jumped off sides twice. This nonsense went on for ten minutes. The end result was an unmoved line of scrimmage. When Pi Lam finally managed to get a play-off, Chad Marcdon had a spectacular catch, dragging two feet in-bounds on the sideline. A breathtaking diving catch in the back of the end zone by Pi Lam’s Pat White capped off the Pi Lam drive. After a few possessions, the CSA defense caught up to the Pi Lams. CSA’s Jason Layne busted through the line to take a Pi Lam handoff and ran all the way back to put CSA on the board. After the half CSA’s James Madden ran a bootleg to score another CSA touchdown. In the waning minutes of the game, CSA’s Jason Layne added one more CSA touchdown to cap off the game.
Shroom 20 Teke 0
The Teke defense once again stepped up to the plate. The Shroom team, thinking that this would be a cakewalk, decided to try an ultradeep pass on the strong Teke defense. The Teke’s defense was up to the challenge, and Fadi Ali sacked the quarterback just as he threw off the pass. The Teke offense managed to get rolling in this game, sort of. The Teke’s Steve Hitt trapped a ball on his leg to salvage a very surprising catch. The rowdy Teke sideline started getting into the game, screaming for the defense to penetrate. The Teke’s defensive coordinator, Rich Cannyn, was forced to play this game, and he even had an interception deep in his end zone. Esjay Sofulwe, of the Shroom, had two touchdowns, one an interception return, and Pierre Lampe added another touchdown to just barely push the Shroom team over a resurgent Teke team.
Pike 20 Shroom 6
The devil in a recent interview said that this year must be an El Nino year in hell because they have been having some weird weather this season. The mercenaries from the Mighty Mushroom lost their first game in four years. This game started off with the Shroom team holding the Pikes to very short drives. The Mushroom offense moved the ball very well, and had several time-consuming drives that would not yield a touchdown. First blood was drawn by Brad Snyder on a 70-yard reception to put the Pikes up. After the half, the wheels fell off for the Shroom team. A 40-yard catch by the Shroom’s Austin Brown had the Pikes gnashing their teeth. Just when it looked like the Pikes were going to self-destruct on an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, they got bailed out on an illegal block in the back by the Shroom team. However, all of this was of little consequence because Austin Brown burned the Pike defense on a “C” pattern for a touchdown. The conversion was no good and the Pikes held on to their lead. Later in the game the Pikes added another touchdown by Donny Wilson. Finally, to cap off the game, the Pikes had an interception runback to inside the twenty. A dump pass to Nick Tanner finished off the scoring in this game.
Theta Xi 12 Lambda Chi 0
This game was won in the trenches. A strong Theta Xi pass rush neutralized Lambda Chi’s usually solid pass protection. On the other side, the Lambda Chi defense could do precious little against the Theta Xi offensive line. Russell Lala, the anchor of the Lambda Chi defense, had a graceful and balletic interception on Theta Xi. In the second half Theta Xi’s Frank Richardson had to leave the game with an ankle injury.
ROTC 39 Teke 0
The Tekes have been letting their recent success go to their head. The fans were puzzled by more-bizarrethan- usual Teke behavior. They were all standing in a circle, copying each other’s movements. It was a long time before the fans realized they were stretching. The Tekes attempting to look like an actual team...something doesn’t work there. But on to the game. ROTC’s defense started the game off with a bang. ROTC cornerback Belts had an interception return for a touchdown on the first play from scrimmage. Nathan Boone had a 50-yard catch and run. Julian Kemper scored on a punt return. ROTC’s Emerson tossed in two touchdown runs.
Lambda Chi 12 Pi Lam 7
This game was dictated on line play once again. The Lambda Chi offensive line fired off of the ball so hard and fast that in the second half the centerquarterback exchange was fumbled on five consecutive plays. Brian Fuller had two touchdowns, one running and one through the air from “El Guapo” Gonzalez. Gonzalez added several key scrambles of well over ten yards each to keep several drives going. Kurt Chadwick was running around the Pi Lam defense.
Theta Xi 6 Chi Phi 0 (OT)
This game, needless to say, was very defensive, and maybe the best game of the weekend. This game ended in a 0-0 scoreless tie in which neither team managed to score against the other’s defense in the first or second half. There were several interceptions by the Pi Lams and by Theta Xis. There were several touchdown-saving interceptions in the game. The overtime was played with the same defensive intensity as the game. On several occasions, the only movement either team did was backwards. In the last overtime period, Adam Kay rolled out and hit Scott Naro-Norman on a tight end drag/ dump into the end zone.

Saturday and Sunday’s games were both held on a field that more resembled the bayous of central Florida, than a well-manicured (allegedly) intramural field. Many people say that football is best played in the mud, well these people would have loved this week’s slop-bowls. There were puddles of standing water on the sidelines and the field held the consistency of jello pudding and looked about as appetizing (note- writer does not like pudding).
CSA 18 Lambda Chi 0
This game started badly and ended worse. The Lambda Chi sideline was a sad scene, one player was laying out on the bleachers, while others were laid out on the field. Many players were sluggish, and there were several noshows. On the first play from scrimmage, CSA’s Damion Catlyn intercepted a Lambda Chi pass and ran it back for a touchdown. Nick Fera stopped the extra point attempt in the backfield. From this point onward, the game went downhill in a hurry. Lambda Chi’s usually solid defense was shaky at best, and CSA ran over the defensive line. By the end of the half Nelson Springer ran in another touchdown. After the half Lambda Chi started to move the ball, Martin Tkacs had one reception for thirty yards, and Kurt Chadwick caught another pass for thirty-five yards. Unfortunately, this was all of the offense Lambda Chi could muster. By the end of the second half Nelson Springer ran in another touchdown. The game was ended very fittingly by a CSA interception.
Pikes 36 Tekes 0
Before the game the Tekes issued a challenge to the Pikes that has never before been given; the Tekes challenged the Pikes to allow them a fourtouchdown margin of moral victory. Meaning that if the Pikes won by less than four touchdowns, the Tekes could claim a moral victory. The Teke’s Aaron Bugnacci ran for a fifteen-yard gain. At the half the Tekes and Pikes discussed the idea of allowing the Tekes a few first downs in order to give the Pike defense some practice. This was a mistake by the Pikes. The Tekes came out of the half like a well-oiled machine, the stifling Teke defense stopped the Pikes seven, yes, seven plays without gain. Then with brilliant defensive strategy the Tekes intentionally took a penalty in order to call back a Pike Touchdown. After this brilliant piece of coaching, the Tekes actually caused the Pikes to punt. Teke quarterback, Aaron Bugnacci, injured his elbow, and knee while running through the Pike defense, and the fans were shocked to find out that the Tekes actually have athletic supplies! As Bugnacci comes off the field, he was actually given an ice pack. Unfortunately, 2 Pike safeties, one by Nick Tanner, and one by the Teke center, and four touchdowns by the Pikes, eliminated the buffer zone for a Teke moral victory. However, the impregnable Teke defense did hold the Pikes under the line.
ROTC 18 Theta Xi 6
This game started off with the ROTC defense in control, as usual. The ROTC offense was lead by Ryan Kaufman, who, in the first half, ran for a first down, and threw a thirty-yard touchdown pass to Chris York. The first half ended with a spectacular Theta Xi interception in which the ball bounced off of the ROTC receiver right into C.J. Block’s hands. The second half started with a few nondescript drives, and one interception by Theta Xi. Then disaster struck the ROTC team, tight end, Nathan Boone was running to the sideline, and a Theta Xi player tried to rip off his flags, but grabbed a handful of shorts instead. Soon private Boone was exposed to the world. After this great travesty Ryan Kaufman threw another touchdown pass, this one to Julian Kemper. Later in the game, Boone, angry about his embarrassment caught a touchdown from Kaufman again. On the ensuing Kickoff, Theta Xi’s Terry Mullin runs back the kickoff to pay dirt. The next possession Kaufman threw a pass to York, which bounced off of his arm, and right into the arms of Lindsey Gordon, who was down on the five. Theta Xi’s defense held the ROTC offensive away from the end zone.
ROTC 14 Chi Phi 6
The game started out with a ROTC aerial bombing. The first score of the game came from a sixty-yard connection from Kaufman to Julian Kemper. Just before the end of the half Chi Phi’s Josh Henson squeezed in-between two ROTC players to make a spectacular run-and-catch down to the one-yard line. The inevitable touchdown was scored on a pass from Tyler Winkelman. The two-point conversion was intercepted, once again, by ROTC’s John Patrick. The second half started out with more ROTC offense, Ian Zapatosky had a twenty-yard run from scrimmage, for a touchdown. Later in the half the Chi Phi defense made up for their mistake by shutting out ROTC on fourth and short. Unfortunately for Chi Phi bad officiating with the refs attempting to assess two penalties to Chi Phi on one play, a mess which finally ended after ten minutes of referee conferencing and a penalty of half the distance to the goal-line. Chi Phi, deep in their own territory could not dig themselves out of the hole, and a ROTC safety by Greg Courmier put Chi Phi out of their misery.
Shroom 20 Pi Lam 0
The Shroom team simply took the Pi Lams to the woodshed this game. The Pi Lam offense could only muster one first down play. The Shroom defensive line spent more time in the Pi Lam backfield than the running backs. A thirty-yard touchdown reception by Pierre Lamp, a ten-yard reception by Esjay Sofoluwe, and another twenty-yard reception by Austin Brown sealed the Pi Lam fate.
Theta Xi forfeits to Shroom
This game was a victim of the great equalizer, Pike’s Peak, which left many players, home in bed.
Lambda Chi 22 Tekes 6
The forecast in Hell today was chilly with a chance of freezing over, due to the fact that THE TEKES ACTUALLY SCORED A TOUCHDOWN! Lambda Chi, was just another victim of the great equalizer, Pike’s Peak. With multiple players missing in action a depleted Teke team, played a decimated Lambda Chi team. Eduardo Gonzalez almost singlehandedly kept Lambda Chi in the game. Eduardo scored twice on a keeper from thirty, and forty yards out respectively. Another touchdown was scored on a spot pass from Russell, who don’t run so good, Lala, to Kurt, who runs like a deer, Chadwick. However the big story of the day was the Teke pass from Nick to Nick, ironic the way a Teke touchdown would work out like that. Lambda Chi came on an all out blitz, and Teke fourth-string quarterback Nick Pahl threw it over the surging Lambda defense to Nick Mullins. After this catch the devil was heard moaning, “Oh no not again.”
Pikes 18 Pi Lam 0
The Pikes came out looking like not only had they been dragged through a thorn bush backwards, but the thorn bush was simultaneously being dragged backwards through a combine harvester. But despite this indictment on their appearance they played surprisingly well. The game started out with one Pike player forgetting that this was flag football, he decided to bowl his way through three Pi Lams to the end zone. He even looked shocked that the play was called back. This penalty was of little consequence as the Pikes scored their next play from scrimmage on a ten yard run from Donny Wilson. The Pi Lams immediately gave the ball back to the Pikes on an interception by Nate Dibbling. The very next play, Donny Wilson took another pass into the end zone. On the next Pike possession the Pikes brought it down to the Pi Lam one-yard line where they were stuffed three-in-a-row by Chris Recucki. However on the fourth play the Pikes broke through the Pi Lam defense with a five yard pass to Brad Snider
CSA 8 ROTC 6
In a game marked by amazing defense CSA took down ROTC. CSA drew first blood with B.J. Ligocki taking the ball in for a touchdown. The conversion was stopped by the ROTC defense. The rest of the half was defense oriented, CSA stoped ROTC on a fourth-and-one situation. Then with CSA threatening on the twoyard line, ROTC managed to squelch the threat. The following ROTC possession was ended prematurely when CSA’s Ellis Christian got into the backfield for a safety. In the second half the ROTC offense started to show signs of life, Julain Kemper caught a pass down to the fifteen-yard line, but a tackling penalty added an extra five yards. Then ROTC’s one-man PR department, Rick Lepore had a crushing block to allow Ryan Kaufman enough time to find Nathan Boone in the end zone. In the last few seconds of the game with ROTC threatening, CSA’s Jason Lang stopped the ROTC threat with a tip-and-catch interception.  

9/28/2001
This year’s season opener, held the morning after the Chi Phi tropical night, the men were separated from the boys: those who could stay out all night and still make it to the game that morning, and those who were home in bed whimpering. Watching teams prepare for this week’s games were very interesting. No team had their entire starting lineup, and each team had several players on cellphones, trying to find where the rest of their team was. The result of this mess was a combination of sluggish first stringers, inexperienced second stringers and a group of games that was bordering on unbearable to watch.
Chi Phi Forfeits to CSA
Ironically enough, the hosts of the previous night’s debaucheries, Chi Phi, could not rouse enough players to get a full team against CSA.
Pikes 8 Theta Xi 0
The Pikes’ attempted for death by air in this game. In the first half of the game, the Pikes timing was off due to Theta Xi’s pass rush. Eventually, though, the Pikes pinned Theta Xi on their own one yard line, and the impending safety made the score 2-0. After the safety the game spiralled downhill fast. After receiving the ball the Pikes promptly turned it over to Theta Xi on their own 12 yard line on an interception. Then Theta Xi decided to give it right back to the Pikes on the 20. The Pikes then turned the ball back over to Theta Xi on downs. For some reason, Theta Xi was in a very giving mood, and handed it right back to the Pikes on the 20. Pike Donny Wilson got the ball and had a nice run, but, for some unknown reason, started to celebrate on the 10 yard line. He eventually got pushed out on the one yard line. The Pikes gave the ball back to Wilson who, this time, managed to hold his celebration until he actually got into the endzone, giving the Pikes an 8-0 lead that would hold up for the rest of the Game.
Lambda Chi 6 ROTC 0
In a very intense, but sloppy competition, Lambda Chi defeatd ROTC. Neither team could move the ball against the other’s defense. Russell Lala, anchored, literally, the Lambda Chi defense to the middle of the field, while Benny Bennet covered the outside. The ROTC defense was strong up the middle with Tate and Aarron. The two teams exchanged punts until Lambda Chi took a forty yard pass from Eduardo “El Guapo” Gonzalez to paydirt. The two-point conversion failed. Eventually, Lambda Chi was able to run out the clock and hold onto the victory.
Pi Lam 18 TEKE 0
The TEKEs are actually one of the most improved teams this year. They have finally recognized their location on the football food chain. This year the TEKEs decided that if the are going to lose, they may as well lose in style. They have taken to bringing a tent, radio and, most importantly, a grill to each game. While the TEKE games are borderline painful to watch, they are definitely the most fun to cover. The first part of the game was very surprising. The TEKEs and Pi Lams actually appeared to be evenly matched, but as the game progressed this turned out to be just an optical illusion. The Pi Lams pulled away with a 20 yard pass from Jeff Birmingham to Chris Recucki, which put Pi Lam up 6-0. The TEKE offensive line had more holes than a freshman’s alibi for missing homework, and had Aaron Burchello running for his life from the stifling Pi Lam defense. The TEKEs had a series of surprisingly athletic interceptions that actually made the fans feel like they were watching a team that knew what they were doing. Another touchdown came later in the game. After several runs in which Jake Leeber, obviously a government official, couldn’t run towards the endzone without a unanimous sideline committee meeting, Leeber ran the ball in from the one yard line to put Pi Lam up by the final score of 18-0.  

    Dear Freshman-
You have almost made it through your first year.  Congratulations.  You have survived the challenges of Roberts Hall… and the Crimson was always there to help.  Soon you will have to say goodbye to your beloved dormitory; however, little do you realize that this will be your greatest challenge to date.  Think about it, how are you going to get everything from your room home.  Do you really want to take the elevator, and how are you going to explain Wanda the lab rat to your parents?  
    The first thing you have to do is get all of the “incriminating evidence” from your room.  Next thing you have to do is make sure there is nothing growing inside of that pile of clothes that has been accumulating in your corner since the beginning of the year.  It is a little known rule that any new species grown in your room must be donated to the life sciences department (if they can’t find a use for it they will, in turn, donate it to Evans).  
    Now that your room is ready for your parent’s appearance, it is time to get to the serious packing.  Separate everything into two piles, what you are keeping and what you are not keeping.  The first pile gets set as far away from your window as possible.  The latter pile gets set underneath the window.  Now it is time for a wal-mart run, you need lighter fluid and a lighter (I think you see where this is going).  Once you return, douse the pile with the lighter fluid (make sure nothing of your roommates is in your pile if you like him/her).  Next take out the lighter, light the pile and… throw it out the window!  
    There, doesn’t your room seem much emptier now.  As you look upon the flaming wreckage and suddenly it dawns on you that it might not have been a very good idea to throw the bed out of the window.  Once you bring your former bed into the room, thinking the entire way up about how you are going to explain to your RA it was like that when you got there, it is time to start getting the stuff you care about out of the room.
    Speaking of beds, if you are not planning to stay in the dormitories next year take your sheets, pack them in a bag, and sell them to some incoming freshman.  You will never need a set of twin extra-long sheets again for as long as you live.
    Theoretically you should have at least one parent there at this point (now is the time to make them pay for making you do all of those stupid chores when you were young).  My suggestion is to avoid the elevators at all costs.  If the fact that either of the elevators was out of order for at least three weeks over the course of the year isn’t enough for you think of how many people are going to be dragging their crap on there, and do you really want to spend a couple of hours in a dark stuck elevator with that guy on the 5th floor that spent the entire year playing Diablo II?  This means you must use the *gasp* the stairs!
    Be careful of the stairs, avoid rolling things such as computers, televisions, or stereos down the stairs, however rolling the nearest available teke is actually encouraged.  Here is a little-known fact about Roberts, there are actually three staircases, each one with access each floor.  If all of these staircases are utilized the move out will be much easier.  
    Once you have gotten everything out of your room (except your favorite shirt that hasn’t been washed since the beginning of the year, because alas, it was faster than you).  It is time to pack up your car to get ready to leave.  Beware, you may think that you are done… but remember you have to survive the drive home with your parents.  They are sure to ask you about your first year, I advise exercising extreme caution when answering them.  Telling them about how you and Wanda ‘hooked up’ is probably a very bad idea.  Have a nice summer, enjoy yourselves, be safe and relax, another year done.
    -The Sovereign Soothsayer