Sandwiches are beautiful, sandwiches are fine, I HATE sandwiches, I eat them all the time

Something is bothering me. Something insidious, devious and beloved by many… and for once I’m not talking about Disney. I’m talking about sandwiches.

Lately I have been packing on weight. Why? Because I eat delicious delicious rice garden all the time for lunch, and I work ludacris hours so I don’t ever get off my ass and do anything physical. So I have decided to seize control of my body and start getting myself back in shape (plus rice garden was chewing on my budget).

Therefore the first thing to do was axe the chinese. What do I use to replace my beloved MSG-soaked lunch, start packing sandwiches. They’re quick and easy, and have a great deal of variety: breads, meats, condiments. However when i started to eat these sandwiches I found despite all the variety they all taste essentially the same.

Then it dawned on me. Sandwich is the lowest form of food. What is the end form of meat in cafeterias? Sloppy Joe’s. What do you do with the thanksgiving leftovers? Put them inbetween two slices of bread. It is the end catch basin of food. Not particularly bad, but just asonishingly mediocre.

If you don’t agree with me think of it this way. I ask you if you want to get some prime rib, where do you thinjk we’re going to go? A.J. Spurs, maybe if you are thinking big… Holdrens.

Now lets say I add the word sandwich to the end of it. “Would you like to get a prime rib sandwich?” Now where are we going? Quiznos! If the sandwich form can actively devalue a particular cut of meat there is no telling what end of damage a sandwich can do to the rest of the food world.

So the next time you pick up a loaf of bread at the store think for a second to what you are doing to your meats, vegetables and condiments of your choice. That being said… I’m going to go make my sandwich for tomorrow’s lunch.