Something is bothering me. Something insidious, devious and beloved by many… and for once I’m not talking about Disney. I’m talking about sandwiches.
Lately I have been packing on weight. Why? Because I eat delicious delicious rice garden all the time for lunch, and I work ludacris hours so I don’t ever get off my ass and do anything physical. So I have decided to seize control of my body and start getting myself back in shape (plus rice garden was chewing on my budget).
Therefore the first thing to do was axe the chinese. What do I use to replace my beloved MSG-soaked lunch, start packing sandwiches. They’re quick and easy, and have a great deal of variety: breads, meats, condiments. However when i started to eat these sandwiches I found despite all the variety they all taste essentially the same.
Then it dawned on me. Sandwich is the lowest form of food. What is the end form of meat in cafeterias? Sloppy Joe’s. What do you do with the thanksgiving leftovers? Put them inbetween two slices of bread. It is the end catch basin of food. Not particularly bad, but just asonishingly mediocre.
If you don’t agree with me think of it this way. I ask you if you want to get some prime rib, where do you thinjk we’re going to go? A.J. Spurs, maybe if you are thinking big… Holdrens.
Now lets say I add the word sandwich to the end of it. “Would you like to get a prime rib sandwich?” Now where are we going? Quiznos! If the sandwich form can actively devalue a particular cut of meat there is no telling what end of damage a sandwich can do to the rest of the food world.
So the next time you pick up a loaf of bread at the store think for a second to what you are doing to your meats, vegetables and condiments of your choice. That being said… I’m going to go make my sandwich for tomorrow’s lunch.
I was talking about this to one of my friends, its kind of odd, but it seems like the writing has triggered a whole cascade of memories in my head. Since most everything I have ever written was in first person, and I'm... ahem... if I do say so myself. Very good at writing in a conversational first person tone I would like to improve my ability to write in third person where, even if I am the subject, its not from my eyes.
"mooommmmm" whined the 9 year old Nick as his mother tried to put a jacket on the squirming pre-teen. He was thankful his costume covered his face or else she would have tried to wrap a scarf around his head. Scarves never lasted long on nick, the moment they got moist with his breath they were immediately removed, and then promptly lost, but this, this was different. Tonight the 9-year old child was a ninja, who willingly wore a tightly would peice of cloth around his head, a red sash, and plastic katana hanging at his side. Unfortunately for the japanese warrior he was encumbered by a large red down coat.
"How am I supposed to sneak up on anybody wearing this?" He said waving his hands up and down to demonstrate he couldn't even place his hands at his sides.
"Its cold out there sugarboog" she said kissing his nose "and I don't want you to get cold."
"I never get cold and you know it" he said scrunching his face, since he was already too warm.
"If you get out there and you're not cold I'll let you take it off." She said conceding the point to him.
They hit the chill October air of Williams Bay Wisconsin, it was still light out as it was mid-afternoon, the sun was shining the sky a clear pale blue, and the air cold enough to leave puffs of steam. Like all the other kids with their parents Nick ran up and down the street infront of his parents waiting for them to catch up to him, a moment after knocking on the first door an old lady had opened the door.
"Trick or treat!" Nick said in the singsong voice that children use holding out his bag.
"Ohhh my, and what are you supposed to be?" She said placing a pack of grape Nerds and a fun-sized Snickers bar in his bag.
"A ninja!" He said kicking his leg up gracelessly and striking the pose that he had practiced in the mirror the night before.
"And what a good ninja you are." She said smiling at him.
Nick ran back to the sidewalk where his parents waited for him, puffy red down jacket halfway off by the time he got there. Nick was never cold, he was always warm, besides who would know him and fear him as the ferocious warrior he was if they couldn't see his costume. Several houses all went better than the first with all the people who opened the door cooing what a scary ninja he was. By the time the reached the 13th house Nick was just beginning to hit his stride, legs pounding the ground in rapid succession as he ran up to the house with a garage in front of it.
In full candy induced bloodlust Nick was halfway to the door before he realized that this house was... different. His run slowed to a walk and then he stopped as he looked off to the right and saw a teenager lying in the front lawn. The teenager was lying with his legs crumpled under him, a feathered mask on with a striped t-shirt and jeans, there was blood spattered on his face and the ground as he lay under a huge tree branch, his hand still in a bag of candy. Nick stared for a minute not sure what to make of this and looked back at his parents who were smiling, so taking a cue from them he continued towards the door. Suddenly up and to the left an evil laugh was heard as a figure he hadn't seen stepped out onto the garage swinging a staff.
The ninja froze for a split second and then quickly leapt turning 90 degrees in the air to face his attacker and brandished his plastic katana. He stood there as the figure on the roof paused for a second, and continued the laughter. Realizing the sword was not the weapon for this fight he turned to pretend shurikens and began throwing them at his assailant who fell backwards on the roof never to be heard from again.
While all this excitement was going on Nick had not heard the groaning behind him. He turned to walk back to his parents who pointed him back towards the house. As he turned back to the house he saw the kid under the branch writhing and Nick paralyzed in fright. The teenager sat up, tossed Nick a peice of candy and the flopped back down pretending to be dead. Not being the most coordinated child, and due to the fact that he had taken his non-ninjalike glasses off he missed the candy by no more than 6 inches and picked it up off the ground with a minimum of fumbling.
Turning to his parents and opening his hard fought for Crunch bar he bounced up and down in excitement.
"Did you see me? Did you see me? He tried to attack me but then I attacked him and he fell down. I threw my ninja stars at him and he died." The words spilled out in a breathless torrent as the brief but intense stimulation wore down.
Much like many of the other kids who buzzed up and down the street Nick told every child he had come across what happened in that typical breathless way, pointing out the house so that other kids could have the same experience, not realizing that they because of this it would not be nearly as cool for them as it was for him. In true childlike fashion Nick did not know that he had gotten a gift far better than any Crunch bar at that house that evening.
So there is a back story here... FIT does not have a football team. It never has... probably never will. However the FIT football team is 2-0, with wins against Notre Dame and the Fashion Institute of Technology. The first game was published before I got there in the April fool's edition of the Grimson, this sparked a sale of T-Shirts that said "FIT football" on them. Years went by and the football team remained dormant until it was my turn to write a Grimson. Since at the time we were actually in a lawsuit against the Fasion Institute of Technology for the rights to the FIT name, I decided we played them. All of the players mentioned in the FIT team are intramural players. Actually some time after this article I started seeing T-shirts that read "FIT football... still undefeated."
Florida Tech Football Wins A Nailbiter
Well… It’s that time of year again. It is time to resurrect the most feared of all teams, the Florida Tech Football team. This year the game was for more than just the Florida Tech undefeated record, it is also a fight for supremacy of names. This year Florida Tech clashed on the gridiron against the Fashion Institute of Technology to determine who the real FIT is. The game started out quickly as we expected with Dante Williamson running the opening kickoff back 108 yards to a touchdown. The Fashion Institute of Technology Prancing Fairies got a good offensive position when the Panther defense let them run it back to the 30. The fairy threat was then stopped; a sack from Nick Fera, a tackle for a loss by Michael Wahlgren, and an interception by Sean Stavely ended the Fairy threat. The Panther offense tried to slow the game down, but gamebreaking running back Donny Wilson busted a 65-yard run on the fairies. After another successful kickoff the fairies actually showed they were not going to go down without a fight. After Cornerback Rande Nicholls slipped and fell the fairy quarterback, Inazzio (no last name) threw a wobbling pass to streaking (literally) wide receiver Joe Armani. None of the Panthers would come within 10 yards of the naked Armani who finally ran out of bounds to argue with the referee’s choice of shirt. With the Fashion Institute of Technology within field goal range the Panther defense clamped down; Joe Lustig injured five Fairy blockers on his way to the quarterback. Mike Theret swiped a pass away from the still naked Armani. After a run up the middle by Rick Hilfiger, which was stuffed in a hurry by Frank Trevino, the Fairies were forced to kick. Bob Gramatica booted in a long range field goal (we all know how kickers are). The game continued and the two teams went into the Locker room with the Panters up 133- 9. While the teams were walking into the lockerrooms at the half the Florida Tech Coach Ditka slammed a clipboard on the ground, flicked off the Crimson’s own Jeff Kelly and trotted into the lockerroom. After screaming at the players about the lax defense, and an offense that was not executing properly he sent the Panthers out to the field to see none of the Prancing Fairy team anywhere. A hidden camera in the fairy lockerroom (don’t ask) shows that the players were busy arguing about the color of each others shoes and how the uniforms didn’t compliment their undershirts. After a great deal of coordination the Fairies took the field again sporting new uniforms. Coach Ditka had something a little special in mind for the Fairies in the upcoming half. BJ Ligocki set up down one of the sidelines, Kovach lasered a pass into Ligocki, Ligocki immediately got plastered by the fairies’ Brendan Hilfiger; unfortunately for Hilfiger Ligocki had already tossed the ball of to Justin Marrero who, with some fine running managed to slice through the fairies defense. Forty-three yards later another seven was thrown up on the board for the Panthers. The Fairies came roaring back and the sent Armani (who by this time had been convinced to put some clothes on) for a buttonhook play. Armani pulled a double move and threatened Dante Williamson with a drop-yourpants fake, this bought Armani enough space to take it down the sideline for a touchdown. The game began winding down and with the Panthers only up by 124; Ditka decided it was time to take a chance to get some points up on the board. With only .3 seconds left Ditka called a timeout and drew up a play. Kovach took the ball back, and after ducking under Melvin Klien’s attempted tackle lofted a ball high and far, Mike Theret ran under the ball, grabbed it, and blazed to the endzone to seal the scoring. Time ran out on the game and allowed Florida Tech to dominate the FIT domain. When the dust cleared Brett Kovach smashed Dan Marino’s all-time record by passing for almost 800 yards (45-62). Donny Wilson combined with Ian Zapatocky to rush for a combined 385 yards. The defense was impregnable, The Crimson’s own Nick Fera recorded 15 sacks, and 11 tackles, John Hallenback had 10 tackles, and Frank Trevino had 10 also.
CSA Outlasts ROTC to Advance to Finals
The playoffs have been a wild set of games up to this point. One team decided not to show up, Cinderella team Lambda Chi defeated number 1 ranked X-team. CSA verse ROTC would be the icing on the cake of this week’s games. CSA started out with the ball, and got it on their 20 yard line. They immediately tried to throw some points up on the board. First a pass was broken up by ROTC’s Fadji Kumapley that saved them a touchdown. However, lightning struck for CSA again as Troy Weekes caught a pass across the middle, streaked to the sideline and blazed his way in for a 60 yard touchdown reception It was apparent that this game would be a shootout as ROTC took over for their next possession. ROTC’s first play from scrimmage was a long sideline streak that was caught by Shurn Peters for a 60 yard touchdown of his own. ROTC’s point after attempt was no good, and the game was knotted at 6. CSA recovered the next kickoff at the 40 yard line and they allowed Coraggio Maglio the first carry for a pickup of 18. Then a 10 yard catch by Nayanka Springer and a 15 yard catch from Weekes had CSA in strking distance of the goal line. CSA pulled out all of the stops for this game, and this play was just an example of the trickery in the CSA playbook. CSA quarterback Brandon Palmer stepped back from center and handed the ball off left to Maglio. ROTC immediately flocked to tackle Corragio, however they did not see Springer sprinting down the right sideline. Maglio floated a ball across the field toward the endzone where Springer made a terrific leaping catch, and was ruled down on the two yard line. Eventually a string of terrible refereeing calls that left both teams scratching their heads would allow CSA a first down on the goal line. Micheal Smith tried a center sneak that was denied, and then Brandon Palmer decided to use his height to his advantage and while holding the ball over everyone’s head marched, literally, his way into the end zone. Maglio punched in the 2 point conversion, but this was taken away by a holding call. CSA kicked the ball off with a 12-6 lead. ROTC got the ball back on their 35 yard line and gave the ball to Charles Greer who tiptoed the sideline for a 45 yard touchdown. ROTC had several attempts at the extra point because of penal ties, but they could not convert. The game was once again tied up this time at 12. CSA got the ball back with very little time and tried to move the ball quickly. BJ Ligocki, Weeks, and Maglio had CSA within striking distance. The next play was a perfectly executed hook-and-ladder play. Springer made a terrific leaping catch and immediately shoveled the ball off to Maglio this play was snuffed out before CSA could score a touchdown, but they did have a first down deep in ROTC territory. The ROTC defense held touch and managed to turn away the CSA threat and took over with next to no time on the clock and almost the entire field to go. After a run that went nowhere and a long pass
that was dropped by Peters and then another incomplete pass took the game into overtime. ROTC led off the overtime and started with the ball and they immediately made it rain. A double-reverse-pass that was caught by Greer. In a play that would come back to haunt ROTC CSA denied them the extra point. CSA got the ball for their possession and Brandon Palmer stepped back to pass, and with all the time in the world could only manage a short pass. On the next play though Springer took CSA down to the one yard line A tight end drag from B.J. Ligocki scored a CSA touchdown that would allow them to extend the game. On the extra point to win the game Palmer called his own number and run a bootleg into the corner of the endzone to give CSA a 13-12 win.
The “Mighty Mushroom” Wins the Championship
The field had track marks on it from someone who decided to go donuting the previous night. On this torn up field of play the warriors prepared to do battle. William Wallace, complete with kilt, wig, and face paint was present on the Shroom’s side. Not only was William Wallace present, but also the masked killer from Scary Movie made a very nice play on the opening kickoff. The game started out with CSA getting the ball on the 22-yard line. The first play from scrimmage Corragio Maglio had a two yard run up the middle. The next throw was a pass to the 37 yard line by Brian Decoto. An incomplete pass brought up fourth down. CSA decided to go for the glory on fourth down Brandon Palmer threw a strike to a CSA receiver for a first down to keep the CSA drive alive. Palmer threw CSA down to the 23 and then a sweep by Rande Nicolls only netted CSA one yard before it was snuffed out by Nick Pahl. On third and short CSA went to the play that eliminated Lambda Chi a week earlier: the center sneak. After this, the Shroom defense took over, a sack by Frank Trevino drove CSA back to the 20 and the next pass was almost picked off by “white” Mike Theret. The next play, the newly coronated MVP of the league, Dante Williamson snuck in for a sack that dropped CSA back to the 25 yard line. However CSA came roaring back as a pass to Rande gave CSA first blood. Rande made a fantastic play as the pass was just out of the reach of white Mike, and in front of another Shroom defender. Rande decided that to celebrate he was going to throw the ball at Mike, who retaliated by picking the ball up and throwing it back. This play was ruled a double personal foul and resulted in both players being eliminated from the game. CSA fumbled on the extra point and moved on, leading 6-0. The Shroom took over on the next drive from their 25 yard line. Dante pushed the Shroom up to the 41 yard line. The next play was an overthrow from Brett Kovach, who had an extremely difficult time passing the ball due to the rain. The next pass was picked off by Brandon Palmer on a fantastic leaping play. The first play when CSA took over was an interception by Sean Stavely. Once the Shroom took over, Nick Pahl got his eyebrow busted open. He went out on the sidelines and in a show of pure guts he took a piece of T-shirt and taped it around his head. While Pahl was getting his head taped up, Dante caught a long pass where he went over, or through, or drug five defenders to the 10 yard. Next an attempted swing pass to Dante fluttered incomplete. Sean dropped a pass at the goal line and the next pass was batted away by the CSA defender. However on the next play Craig Fuller came off the bench and scored a diving touchdown to tie the game up. Immediatey after the Shroom’s extra point attempt fell incomplete, the half was called with the score tied at 6. The Shroom got the ball back to start the second half and on the kickoff return they attempted to run a reverse to Dante that got them only to the 22 yard line. They had a run up the middle that was stopped by Arron DeCoteau. Kovach ran the ball down to the 30 yard line on a broken play and on the next play threw a firstdown to Sean Stavely. At this point Pahl returned to the game from getting taped up. On his first play back, he caught a swing pass out of the backfield down to the 10 yard line, then on the next play he got down to the three yard line. A QB option ran by Kovach went nowhere. Brett’s next pass was incomplete, and Sean dropped another pass out of the backfield. Then Wolcott Richardson from CSA came up with a key sack and put an end to the Shroom’s threat. When CSA took, over Palmer had all of the time in the world against the Shroom defensive line. He threw a completion downfield, but it was called back because Palmer stepped over the line of scrimmage. Manny Brown caught the next pass for a CSA first down. After an incomplete pass, Brett Kovach dropped a possible interception. CSA capitalized on the Kovach miscue with a long pass to Nayanka Springer for a first down. After a run and two incomplete passes that didn’t move them at all, CSA punted it away. The Shroom took over, and immediately looked to Dante to move them up to the CSA 30 yard line. Sean Stavely added 5 yards and then Frank Trevino picked up a first down on a center sneak. Near the end, Kovach tried a long pass, but was forced to scramble. While Brett was trying to throw the ball away, he chucked it and with great field presence, Ed Quiroga, who threw a touchdown in the Shroom’s avalanche victory verses the Tekes, Ed took off toward the end zone, white hair trailing in his wake, kicking up mud and dirt all the way. He got down to the CSA 30, but the play was called back due to Quiroga being an ineligible receiver. Shroom was forced to punt and after a CSA drive that went nowhere, and the game went into overtime. Shroom started with the ball on the 20 yard line. Nick Pahl opened up the overtime on a 15 yard catch and gained even more on a CSA penalty. However, the Shroom went backwards when they got caught for holding. Dante missed a shovel pass in the middle of the field. Finally on their last chance, Brett caught Stavely in the back of the endzone for a touchdown reception. On a play that was almost a carbon copy of the touchdown, Stavely tacked on the extra point to make it a 13-6 game. CSA got to take over on the Shroom 20. BJ Ligocki made his presence felt with a five yard catch on a tight end release. Then Brett dropped another possible interception. Finally, the refs got out of hand. Dante, Frank and a rowdy Shroom sideline started a war cry in order to pump up the defense, and the refs flagged them for a personal foul. The players never said a word to the opposition though. This wretched call gave the ball to CSA with a new set of downs on the five yard line. Eventually Brown would catch a touchdown to put CSA in position to tie the game on a controversial diving catch. There was a penalty on the first extra point and CSA got another chance to tie the game up. Their next play was their vintage short yardage play, and another controversial one. They tried to run a center sneak that was just barely stopped by the Shroom. Final score: Shroom 13, CSA 12. This game was definitely a classic, and as it should be, far and away the best game of the year. Congratulations to the Shroom who had an undefeated season, and to all of the other players and teams who competed in an extremely good intramural flag football season.
All Fera Team:
Center: Michael Smith- CSA
Gaurd: Justin Parsons- Pikes
Gaurd: Frank Trevino- Shroom
Tight End: Eric Jackson- Shroom
Tight End: B.J. Ligocki- CSA
Wide Receiver: Dante Williamson- Shroom
Wide Receiver: Nayanka Springer- CSA
Quarterback: Brett Kovach- Shroom
Running Back: Ian Zapatocky- ROTC
Defensive Line: Joe Lustig- Pikes
Defensive Line: John Hallenback- X-Team
Defensive Line: Nicholas Fera- Lambda Chi
Defensive Line: Rande Nicolls
Linebacker: Paul Eggers- Lambda Chi
Linebacker: Sean Stavely- Shroom
Secondary: Dante Williamson- Shroom
Secondary: Jason Layne- CSA
Cinderella Story:
As been stated before this year was a wild year for intramural football, even though any year that boasts a Teke victory is an exceptional year. One team that got no coverage, but deserved it was Lambda Chi. Lambda Chi was second to last in the league and roared into the playoffs. Lambda Chi easily had one of the best defenses in the league and surprised #1 ranked X-Team (7-6) and was well on their way to beating CSA when two key, very controversial, penalties on the same drive gave CSA two first downs deep in Lambda Chi territory. This two penalties led to a Touchdown that put CSA up 7-6. When Lambda Chi got the ball for their last possesion CSA ran back a touchdown for an interception to cap the scoring and end the game 13-6. All in all it was a great season for Lambda Chi and many of the other teams.
This article was put out in the middle of... to this day... the longest stretch of consecutive apologies in Crimson history, 4. This one I consider the crowning glory. I was actually threatened with a lawsuit ><.
Did Anyone See that Flying Pig?!
Unfortunately, I was unable to attend one of the most historic and rare events in the history of intramural football! The Tekes won! Yes, Tekes Won! Chi Phi was the unfortunate victim of this unstoppable football juggernaut that is the Tekes. Very unfortunately, you will not be able to see the Tekes take their unbelievable winning streak into the playoffs due to the new playoff system. The intramural league was broken up into two different leagues and unfortunately the Tekes are not going to the playoffs, and Chi Phi is. Is there no justice in this world?! As the Tekes celebrated their victory, several dozen flying pigs were released from the Atomic Toilet that they had stored up for a special occassion (such as a victory, or when they all had dates... if these pigs would ever get out of the Toilet was a major issue taken up by greenpeace and the humane society) The Teke touchdown was scored on the first kickoff of the game on a return byJason Paris. The action stopped there, as neither team could move the other. The game ended in a 6-0 Teke avalanche victory.
This is not one of my articles this was my roommate who took over the sports editorship for a year I thought it was quality.
Is it just me, or is this campus filled with gimps and handicaps all of a sudden? I must have had at least eight sightings of people on crutches as of late (including myself), and an uncountable amount of people limping around. It started Sunday, the 13th, when the Pikes played Lambda Chi in flag football. Two Lambda Chi players were taken out within two drives of each other. The next day both men were on crutches. As the week progressed, more and more injury-prone students found themselves dependent on some sort of walking aid, from crutches to various braces. The injuries continued through last weekend; IM soccer team International Fury suffered a costly loss when one of their players had to be taken to Holms Hospital during their game against French Connexion when he and a French player collided midair and he landed horribly wrong. Even Florida Tech varsity teams have been plagued with injuries the past couple of week. Volleyball coach Cody Hein has commented on numerous occasions about the team’s key players being nagged with injuries and pains. It seems that it is still safe to play IM volleyball and water polo. Volleyball is starting to wear on students’ bodies though, as the appearance of various braces and pads are becoming all more frequent. One volleyball player went to a game, crutches in hand, played a little (more like limped around the court for a while), and than staggered home on the crutches after the game. Crutches were once used to be a great sympathy attractors, where guys would get girls attention and help by simply letting out a deep breath and slight sigh of pain. Now we have to come up with a different, more original way to get girls interest which makes life even harder, plus we still have the crutches to deal with. Note for the curious: having crutches is NOT fun. When you do not need them you wish you had a pair, so you could race and fence with them, but once you have them you would rather stubble around in pain than rely on them for support. They are clumsy, hard to control in the beginning, and give you never ending wedgies in your armpits that drive you crazy! If you have not noticed, this school is not exactly handicap friendly either. The dorms in dorm quad do not have elevators, only a seemingly endless amount of stairs that lead to bolted doors. How are the gimps of Florida Tech expected to not only walk up staircase after staircase but to also, when they are out of breath and sweating, manage to handle the clumsy crutches and get their keys to unlock the door? The greatest fear of any gimp (speaking out of experience) in that situation is dropping the keys before you open the door, because once they are on the ground they might as well stay there. It takes too much time and effort to attempt to pick them up. If you find yourself in this situation, just let the keys go. Your best bet is to make a lot of noise in hopes someone will come to your aid. If this injury trend continues through the rest of the semester, the school could sponsor a Florida Tech IM Special Olympics as early as Thanksgiving. Soon enough our student government will have to organize shuttle trips to the pharmacy and hospital, for students to get checked out and pick up their pain killers and medicine. There seem to be enough injured students out there now that they could ban together and form their own student organization. Florida Tech has CSA, as well as various sororities and fraternities. Soon Florida Tech will be blessed with the newest student organization, the Organization of Students Hurt Injured or Traumatized.
Pi Lams Surprise Undefeated ROTC
Going into this game, ROTC was one of the last undefeated teams. After this game, the Shroom was the only undefeated team left. ROTC was hurting once again this week, most of their players were AWOL (absent without leave) this weekend. While ROTC may be able to get away with that against the Tekes, with another team (even the now 2-4 Pi Lams) it is much more difficult to overcome. The first play of the game was a showing of things to come. Chris Recucki had a 40-yard run from scrimmage, ROTC was saved by a holding call. The Pi Lams couldn’t move ROTC and let off a weak punt of 10 yards. ROTC had great field position. Shurn Peters had two sweeps. One was snuffed out, and another for twelve yards moved ROTC into the red zone. Jeff Emerson punched the ball through on a twelve yard off tackle run. The two point conversion was stopped by the Pi Lams. The Pi Lams took over with bad field position this time and could barely move the ROTC defense. After a dropped snap, the Pi Lams were forced to punt the ball away. This was a booming punt, not like the squibber of the last possession. This possession was where things started to fall apart for ROTC. On the first play, Shurn was sacked. Then, the defensive line faked out the offense line drawing the false start penalty. Then, Jeff Emerson had a 15-yard run wiped out by an illegal block. Next, Shurn had a pass tipped at the line and intercepted by Scot Marow. Peters almost put ROTC back into striking distance with a possible interception, but it was ruled as pass interference. Then, ROTC’s Ben Bennet stuffed an outside run. Finally, Terry Mullin connected with Pat Furlow on an 18 yard touchdown strike. Their conversion just fell short. ROTC took a shot at the endzone just before the half, but it was unsuccessful. After the half, Shurn had a 30 yard run from scrimmage called back for flag guarding. After that, ROTC and Pi Lams traded punts for four possesions. ROTC’s Kumapley got injured when he was sandwiched between two Pi Lam players, but he walked off under his own power. ROTC was forced to punt away to the Pi Lams who had precious little time left in the game. Pat Furlow caught a nineteen yard pass, and Gordon got a twelve yard pitch. Terry Mullin was on the run out of the pocket and threw high into the endzone. Pat Furlow came up with it. The one point conversion was then dropped. ROTC had about forty seconds left to tie up the game, as Courmier caught the kickoff on the forty and returned it with no celebration this time. ROTC attempted a flea flicker that went just off the fingertips of Shurn Peters. A sweep was snuffed out on a loss of two and then a Shurn run of five yards left ROTC with time for one last play. The Hail Mary fell harmlessly to the ground as the Pi Lams celebrated the upset of the season.
Tekes Fight ROTC but Lose 13-0
The Teke versus ROTC game took place on a day that was, to say the least, not terribly convenient for the ROTC team. The Ranger challenge sorely depleted their sidelines and left ROTC with approximately half of their team. The Tekes saw this depleted team and swooped in like a pack of dogs on a threelegged cat as the swarming Tekes began the game with fire in their eyes. ROTC received the first kickoff and the fired up and stingy Teke defense pushed ROTC back half a yard. ROTC punted the ball away to the Tekes. The Teke offense, which was not nearly as fired up as the defense, promptly handed the ball back to ROTC. On the next possession, the Teke run defense looked good, until Shurn Peters scored on a bootleg. Fadji Kumapley then added a 2-point conversion on a catch in the back of the end zone. The Teke offense once again went three-and-out giving the ball back to ROTC, and it was downhill from here. A pass from Shurn Peters to Michael Walker was tipped in the air by a Teke defender. The Tekes immediately got their hopes up thinking that they had an interception; however ROTC’s Greg Courmier was there to pick up the garbage. Courmier took off toward the ROTC end zone, but decided that he was going to start the celebration a little bit early, all but spiking the ball on the five-yard line. Courmier leisurely began to walk to the end zone and the Tekes, mind you…. The Tekes! Caught him from behind. However, this play did not leave ROTC completely out in the cold. They did have a first and goal on the Teke 10-yard line. However, as I said earlier, the Teke defense was fired up this game. The first play, Shurn Peters, under heavy pressure, missed a pitch. Next, Peters tried the play again and swept out on a bootleg that was snuffed out in a hurry by the Teke’s Justin Paris. After an incomplete pass, Ray Co sacked Shurn. The Tekes threw one incomplete pass and one complete pass before the half ended. The only problem was the Teke completion was to the wide-open ROTC defender Walker. At the half the Teke defense was still fired up. ROTC got the ball on the 21 and threw a beautiful pass that would have dug them out of this hole, but a holding call brought the play back for a loss. However, the next play Kumapley struck again with a bobbling catch, to bring ROTC back to the 21-yard line. ROTC tried to go back to their bread-and-butter, the sweep play, but that was stopped by the Teke’s Ray Co again. ROTC had a short punt and that was compounded when the ROTC special teams treated the Teke ballhandler like a disgruntled UPS deliveryman treats a fragile package. The Tekes’ Damien was mobbed, then swarmed, twisted, kicked and finally, thrown to the ground. This penalty brought the Tekes, once again, into striking range. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be as the Tekes miss the pitchman, and threw a pass to some guy in the parking lot. As well as the ROTC defense was doing against the Teke offense, the ROTC offense faired about as well against the Teke defense. After exchanging punts for a while, things started to get intersetingagain (what a surprise during a Teke game). First a lame-duck pass was caught by the Teke’s Brad Wise, then Mike Hitt went for two more deep passes to possibly tie the game up. The second of these passes was snatched up by the ROTC safety, who started running back with blockers. The ballcarrier cut across the field weaving through Teke defenders who all tried in vain to pull his flags, and right in front of Hitt who was too busy sulking to even attempt to pull the flags. Then the ballcarrier ran into a wall of Tekes looking to stop this return, sohe cut back across the field, right in front of Hitt again, who didn’t even bother to put his hands up. The ballcarrier cut off of Hitt and ran toward the end zone, sealing the scoring and the ROTC victory.
Shroom Impressive in First Victory
Shroom 27 Chi Phi 6
The Shroom is back this year and they look better than ever. There are many new faces, not the least of which is Dante Williamson. Dante tore apart both Chi Phi and the X team this weekend.
The game started out with the Shroom jumping out to an early 7 point lead when Brett Kovach hit Sean Stavely on a 70 yd bomb. The next possession, Chi Phi’s Cliff Windsor ran in a touchdown on a broken down play to bring the game within one point. However, on the next drive, Brett Kovach struck again, this time it was a catch of 80 yards to Dante Williamson. Dante also drove in the extra point to make the game a 14-6 Shroom advantage. Dante Williamson’s game, though, is not without flaw as he sent the next kickoff screeching out of bounds, allowing Chi Phi to take over on the 40 yd line. The Shroom’s defense was up to the challenge though, and with Travis Johnson putting heavy pressure on Windsor, Kovach picked off an errant pass. However the Shroom could not score before the end of the half. In the second half, the Shroom came out firing, the kickoff return team managed to knock down the Chi Phi kick to start their possession on the 41 yard line. Then with passes to Wale Adebiyi and Shawn Stavely, both of 25 yards, the Shroom waltzed downfield. With the Shroom in the red zone, it was time for Dante to step it up again, so he ran in another touchdown on a 10 yard quarterback option. The next play, Brett was under pressure and just managaed to get off a pass to Dante. Dante caught the ball well outside of his endzone, but would not be denied as he spun and wormed his way in for the extra point. The Shroom defense had been borderline unstoppable all game, as on the next Chi Phi possession Yohance Dotton sacked the quarterback, bringing up third and long. The next offensive possession, the Chi Phi defence gets their first real chance to got on Kovach, and he was sacked. This brings up third and 30 for the Shroom. The man who had been stepping it up all day, came up big again and had a catch and run for 35 yards. The next play, a 15 yard sweep from Dante, brought the Shroom knocking at the Chi Phi endzone. The next play Brett got the ball from center, rolled out to his right, and threw a perfect lob across his body. Stavely wasjust denied the endzone and Nick Pahl picked up the one yard touchdown plunge to seal the scoring.
As a side note I feel I should add the fact that I actually got into a fair bit of trouble for writing this article... ironically enough the vast majority of this came from girls. It seemed they did not appreciate my calling their boyfriends idiots. When I pointed out that if they had girlfriends then they really didn't need this article the girls got very pouty and walked away.... needless to say, I was single.
Sports for Dummies: Picking up girls at the Homecoming Dance
Soverign Soothsayer Sports Fiend
Contrary to popular opinion, the Homecoming Dance is a great place to meet girls. This year’s Homecoming Dance actually had more girls than guys attend. If you follow these nine steps you may actually come away from the dance with a girl. Technique 1: Preparation. Girls spend a lot of time to get ready for things like this. Why? I don’t know, but it might not be a bad idea to put in at least one-ninth of the time they spend getting ready. This means investing 15 minutes of quality time in the shower (not for that purpose you sick freaks!) with soap and shampoo, and spending five minutes getting dressed will greatly increase your chances. Technique 2: Here is another quick and easy way to improve your chances. Right now it is not a good idea to take advice from “Something About Mary” and flog-the-dolphin. Invest five seconds in cologne. One quick spray and a light touch to the nape of your neck is sufficient. You know you have used too much cologne if you feel drunk from breathing your own air. (Disclaimer: Shower before use of cologne as combination from cologne and body odor, join forces to create something totally other...) Technique 3: Shaving. While something that I don’t participate in myself, shaving has been suggested by the ladies of the Crimson (yes there are girls in The Crimson Office). The ladies of the Crimson say that unshaved men give “rugburn on their face” (for furthur information on facial rugburns, come to the general meetings on Wednesdays at 6:30). Technique 4: Comb your hair. Before going to the dance, your hair should be soft, smelling good, and most importantly, free from animals. If a cat leaps out of your hair, it is probably a good idea to give it at least one more combing. Technique 5: Now that you have actually managed to get ready for the dance. The following are ways to improve your chances at the dance. Actually dance. Knowing how to dance is not necessary for this activity. If you get out there and move, they will come. If someone kindly calls the paramedics to help you with your epileptic seizure, it may not be a bad idea to discontinue the activity. Technique 6: Now that you are out and dancing and the guy next to you has been carted away by the ambulance and the cute girl who was dancing with him is now dancing with you, it is time not to mess up your chances. Start out with a compliment. Compliments include, but are not restricted to: “You look beautiful in that dress.” “You dance well.” “Your hair looks great.” Also, “I really like that outfit. It would look great crumpled at the end of my bed.” should be avoided at all costs. Technique 7: Now that you are Photo By Rhian Resnick actual talking to a girl, it is vitally important that you keep her attention. Try to keep the conversation in English, variants, and derivatives, such as L337, linux,, other computer languages (Haxxor) should be avoided. These would include “Wanna see my hard drive?” and the immortal “Let me take off your box and overclock your processor.” Technique 8: Now that you have actually found a girl and have been talking comfortably to her (somehow you managed to tactfully skirt that one night with Wanda the lab rat). It is time to show her that chivalry is not dead. Offer to get her something to drink (Do this often enough and you’ll become a better dancer, and better looking with each one. Even better, the Homecoming dance had pineapple juice, the benefits of which are monumental.) Technique 9: Since you have been talking to her, you should, hopefully, by now know her name. Learn it, use it, it is one useful way to tell them apart. It is generally a good rule that if you haven’t known her for over 24 hours, your hands should stay outside of her dress (another contribution from the ladies at the Crimson). The ladies of the Crimson and I have imparted all of our knowledge unto you. It is now time for you to go forth and do great things with this new found charm. One last suggestion-- it is probably a good idea to run away from that guy who just came back from the hospital because some jerk told an ambulance that he was having an epileptic seizure.
